Weekend Recap: The “FY” Factor

I didn’t believe him at first and I thought he was lying. Low and behold we talked on the phone for 5 hours and 26 minutes. As Dallas Single Mom I was sick this past week and I had just come home Friday after seeing Disney on Ice at the American Airlines Center. I was exhausted but since my phone is connected to me like a teet to a baby animal, it was not uncommon for me to bust out the iPhone and update a status and acknowledge the media comp that I got for checking out the suites at the American Airlines Center courtesy of VIP  Fans Club. This is my day to day. Tinder is also a prominent activity on my phone the way other people play Candy Crush. So when HE decided to message me on the dating app it was 9:45 PM and I was exhausted so I really wasn’t up for small talk. Five messages later and my drive home, I made it home and in bed by about 10:50 PM where I could respond to him. I had given him my phone number and expected the usual text of “Hi this is Mr. Wonderful invading your phone. Now we can text.”

No instead he mixed things up and did something nobody ever does, “He called!” My first reaction was “Who does this guy think he is? Didn’t I just say I was sick, losing my voice, sat through Frozen and now in the arms of my comfortable bed – how rude is that? Of course as the phone number came buzzing through my phone those precious few seconds are where you say, “Do or Die! Commit, Commit now to an action. It could be destiny on the other line but you never know until you pick up the phone.” That’s how a few split seconds ended up turning into 5 hours and 26 minutes of getting to know each other and then 1 hour of amazing face to face S. E. X. – or what I like to call conversation that was Stimulating, Exciting and Xenodochial. Hee! Hee! Gotcha!

Prime Real Estate and the FY factor

I proceeded to tell Mr. Wonderful about myself and my work as he started to tell me about his life, his work and his travels to Dallas. We talked about our theories on dating, our experiences and there was a certain sort of understood camaraderie that began to develop. I listened to the way he stuttered every time he got excited about something and how he uses the words “In essence” a lot. I laughed and what was hours only seemed like minutes. I think these little nuances are cute because I know that I have the same speech nuances that some may find annoying or cute. My dad also stutters when he gets excited so hearing Mr. Wonderful do it was just a fond memory of my family life. It was interesting to hear him use the phrase “My boys.” Something I have not heard in Texas at all, even though some people probably use it all the time. He is from California and lives very far from me. While his approach towards a woman may be a bit straight forward and aggressive I felt that it was very confident and not arrogant. It was a behavior that is not the norm here in Dallas. Time with me or even space on my phone is prime real estate. An ambitious female is a busy female and while I’m trying to stabilize my life a bit more before settling down, I’m also embarking on some of the dreams I’ve had for my life. While Tinder makes it very easy to meet people, it also makes it difficult to find traits in a person that is compatible with your life and something that I’d like to call the FY factor (The Fuck Yeah Factor) from Mark Manson’s wildly popular post about that topic. I’m not looking for Xanadu (Can you tell I’m researching words that start with X), but I want something very simple and basic whenever I meet someone for a potential dating relationship or match up. When I find what I’m looking for, I will know. I don’t agree with cutting out dating altogether but the entire process is about learning about what you really want and how you can grow as a person. In any kind of partnership, one should be an active participant and do the basic minimum by just showing up and being in the moment. Be excited, positive and have a great attitude about the experience.

Be in the Moment

You would think that my bar was set low if that’s all someone needed to do to get my attention but it’s a lot more complex than you think. I’ve been on dates with guys who complain about women swiping left and right on Tinder while they are on the date. That is just plain rude. Before you start thinking about the next date, think about where you are. My biggest observance (it’s not a complaint until I decide to take it personal) are guys that are tired and just going through the motions in order to get to the ultimate goal at the end of the night  – to get laid. When I dine out alone I will watch the couples and just feel disappointed. Everyone is on their phone and they look so bored. I want my guy to be much more enticing to me than anything that is happening on Facebook. I love looking into a guy’s eyes and giving him that look that says, “I find you outrageously attractive and for the next X minutes, I’m yours for the taking.”  Be in the MOMENT! Respect my time if you want me to respect yours in return. I was glad to be in the company of such a man that was able to pick up on my cues and clues of the conversation and not being afraid to state his intentions and so wasting no time. That takes a good deal of confidence. He wasn’t sitting around assuming my thoughts or next set of actions. I could tell right away that he was excited to meet me and to see what will happen next. He was in the moment because he was listening and excited. That is how we ended up having a 1 hour face to face meeting after 5 hours and 26 minutes of being on the phone. I think one of the moments that impressed me the most was something he said. Surprisingly what he said was something only another Sagittarius had ever said to me. He said that I was a “strong woman” that was “on a totally different level.” I enjoyed hearing that because I mostly feel like guys don’t get me and the work that I do. They don’t sense my excitement about my writing and the exciting activities I get to enjoy. The last love of my life had told me the same thing so it was kind of like De Ja Vu. Considering that Mr. Wonderful was also a Sagittarius it gave me goose bumps to hear it again. Yes, it made me feel good.

It makes you feel good

When you hear words like that it makes you feel special. It makes you feel like a queen. You are more receptive to what the guy has to say. I was reluctant to have a face to face meeting but I thought about “destiny.” I’m not saying we are going to follow the traditional path of having this “Facebook outside of reality” type of relationship. It’s just conversation. It’s just dinner. It’s just a date or a meetup. It really teaches us about ourselves. As I thought about meeting him in such a non-traditional way like 6 AM in front of my house, I thought about the theory of chance. This guy could die in a plane crash, meet another woman or I could meet someone else and life could happen and get in the way. That is how destiny and free will actually works right? It’s also how we form the basis of our own choices and desires. I have said this more than once, We put up with what we want to put up with. I agreed to allow him to come over because he provided some logical arguments for me. He was persistent and creative. I didn’t want to live with the possibility of not knowing if chemistry was there so I agreed. I took a deep breath and tried to look decent when he called to say he was here. I was nervous . . . and tired but otherwise content with my decision.

I was surprised when I saw him. Just like me he was dressed very casually with his glasses on and the conversation picked up in the car. I felt like a teenager and we laughed and I can imagine both of us were wondering what we were thinking. I was already very happy at the energy, excitement and enthusiasm to meeting me – that made me feel very special. It was a few hours well spent and I can say I was glad I spent it in that way.

As for the FY factor, he created the WOW factor when at the end of the night he insisted “I’m coming back.” Nothing makes me feel more appreciated than knowing that someone I find incredibly attractive, outgoing, funny and basically my twin is super excited to spend time with me. That’s part of the FY factor. With Tinder and online dating it’s so easy to dismiss someone and wait for the next guy to come along. It’s rare to really connect and even if we live so far apart from each other I value the lessons to be had. Dating is not just about the outcome, it’s really about the journey and the journey really ends with you. The more you learn about yourself, the better you are at meeting people compatible with your life to push you up to the goals you are trying to reach in life. It’s always good to have people in your corner. It doesn’t have to be a shot in the dark.

Would you date a guy in another state? Why or why not?