Many couples naturally gravitate toward late-night intimacy, often between ten and eleven in the evening, when the day finally winds down and privacy feels easiest to find. Yet sleep expert and clinical psychologist Dr. Michael Breus argues that this common habit actually works against our biology. He points out that our hormonal balance at that hour is far from optimal for great sexual experiences. Instead, he strongly recommends shifting those moments to the morning, when the body is primed for stronger performance and deeper connection.
The key lies in understanding how hormones fluctuate throughout the day. For satisfying sex, we generally benefit from higher levels of testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, adrenaline, and cortisol, paired with low melatonin. In the evening, melatonin rises naturally to prepare us for sleep, which can leave us feeling drowsy and less responsive. By contrast, right after waking, melatonin drops sharply while energy-boosting hormones are on the rise, creating a more favorable environment for physical and emotional closeness.
Dr. Breus, who shared these insights on the popular Diary of a CEO podcast, uses a straightforward biological cue to make his case. He notes that most men experience morning erections, a clear sign of elevated testosterone and good blood flow first thing in the day. Nature seems to signal that this window offers peak readiness. Research he references supports the idea, showing couples report better satisfaction and stronger bonding when they make love shortly after waking rather than late at night.
Of course, morning intimacy comes with practical considerations. Freshening up quickly, such as brushing teeth or using mouthwash, goes a long way toward making the experience pleasant for both partners. A little preparation removes any hesitation and lets everyone focus on enjoyment. Once that small step is handled, many find the spontaneous energy of morning encounters refreshing and invigorating.
Individual differences matter too. Dr. Breus emphasizes that personal chronotypes, our natural sleep-wake preferences, influence when we feel most alert and aroused. Early risers may find mornings especially rewarding, while night owls might need to experiment slightly later in their day. Still, the overall hormonal pattern he describes points toward morning hours as the sweet spot for most people seeking quality over mere convenience.
Couples who try moving intimacy to earlier hours often discover added benefits beyond the bedroom. Starting the day with physical closeness can boost mood, reduce stress, and strengthen partnership throughout the hours ahead. The increased oxytocin from morning connection tends to linger, fostering affection and communication long after. Over time, this shift can transform a routine part of relationship life into something more energizing and fulfilling.
Ultimately, the evidence from hormone science and real-world studies suggests we have been timing intimacy wrong for convenience rather than biology. Listening to the body’s natural rhythms opens the door to more rewarding experiences. Small adjustments, like setting the alarm a bit earlier or keeping breath fresheners handy, make the transition simple and worthwhile.
What time of day works best for you and your partner when it comes to intimacy—share your thoughts in the comments.
