Guest Post by Sabrina Jackson
Cinderella's father who marries Lady Tremaine or the evil stepmother
If your ex-husband moved on to a new girlfriend before the dust even had time to settle from your divorce, then there’s no secret that the situation can be a very difficult one to handle. And if the happy couple is now getting hitched, you may very well be in the throes of devising a twisted plot to sabotage their big day and then to flee to sunny Mexico before anyone ever suspects it was you. Well, if that’s the case, you have got to snap out of it, sister! Be strong and be sure to check the following tips for how to deal with your ex-husband’s new marriage:
Accept the fact that your marriage is over. As much as it sucks to see your former hubby with another woman, the good news is that this is one of the last major steps in getting over the heartbreak from your divorce. If you are living in a fantasy land where you are hoping for the slim chance that maybe, just maybe he will come to his senses and come crawling back on his hands and knees, it’s time to let them go. He’s with someone else now—so look at this new chapter in his life as closure and a sign that you need to move on from the past and open a new chapter in your life as well.
Congratulate him. When your ex-husband shares the news with you about his upcoming nuptials, it may be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done to stay composed and refrain from damning him straight to the fire-y pits of hell for the rest of all eternity. Be the bigger person, force a smile and tell him that you’re happy for him. Even if you’re not, using the “fake it ‘til you make it” approach to keep things as peaceful as possible. If you can’t bring yourself to actually wish the man well, then tell him thank you for letting you know and whatever you do, don’t ask personal questions or make negative comments about him or his new fiancé.
Try to be friendly with the new future wife. It’s easy to say that you don’t like the woman that your ex-husband is making his new bride. But if you don’t like her, it’s important to be honest with yourself about why this woman leaves such a bad taste in your mouth. If it’s just because she’s your ex’s new wife and you’re feeling jealous, angry and insecure—that’s not fair and those are issues that you will have to get over yourself. Why put your energy on disliking her—surely you have better, more productive things to do and it really does you no good in the end. You don’t have to become BFFs, but this will make the situation easier when you have to see her and your ex in the future—especially if you have kids. You might just have more in common than you think; you both fell for the same guy, after all…
Be careful what you say to/around your kids. While you might want to scream and talk more crap about your kids’ father and their soon-to-be wicked step-monster step-mother than can be seen on a trashy daytime talk-show, save such talk for wine-nights with your gal-pals and not for playtime with your kiddos. When you question your kids about their dad and his fiancé or your kids hear you talk negatively about them, this will have a negative impact on your children. Not only will it make you look bad and confuse your kids, but your kids will feel like they have to pick sides in a war. Do you best to help your children with the transition of divorce along with the new person in their life, and know that no one will be able to take your place as their mother.
Avoid hostile situations. Disagreements with your ex-husband and his new wife might arise from time to time. But instead of reacting to them and responding out of rage or frustration, take a step back and look at the grand picture; do not make a big ordeal out of something that is miniscule. If you have tried your hardest and a healthy relationship cannot be forged between your ex, his new wife and yourself, then try to be polite and avoid interacting with them when it’s unnecessary to do so.
Sabrina Jackson is a guest post author who enjoys giving advice to single, divorced mothers. In addition, Sabrina is also a contributor for Best Black Dating Sites where she offers tips to online singles for safe dating on the internet. If you would like to contribute as a guest post author, please visit my guest post policy page for more information.
I just wanted to add that sometimes you need to compromise. You will no longer be able to spend all the important holidays with your kids. It sucks…but you have to get over it. Kids deserve to experience life with both parents. Even if your ex doesn’t do things the way you would…it doesn’t make it wrong. And also, communicate… A lot. With your ex and include his new wife. For instance” hi Pete, Johnny has a school,play next Tuesday. Just wanted to let you and Debbie know. Hope you both can make it.” I have a good relationship with my ex and his soon to be wife. But I know so many people that don’t. A lot of it is due communication. Sorry to hijack your post. This was really great advice 🙂 thanks for sharing.
Whitney, I completely agree with you. If you have healthy or apathetic communication with your ex, than compromise and understanding is possible and a necessity for the well being of your children. The key thing you stated is “GET OVER IT!” That’s the best thing you can do to set yourself free1